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Name: Marcel
Country: United States
State: Minnesota
Gender: Male
Interests: Jesus (seems shallow and flippant to put Him down as an interest...He's my life...without Him I am nothing!) Family and friends are definately top priority. Children are great! Music is very important...gives me words when I can't find them... Snowboarding is awesome, so are most water sports. V-ball's cool.... Brian Regan's the best... Cities are pretty sweet.... Hockey's great!... Winter's a blast............and etc.
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
1/24/2005
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| Hey, just letting you know I now have a wordpress account. If you feel like it, come visit at http://aguyonajourney.wordpress.com/.
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| Sometimes when life faces me square in the face fear and doubt and questions seem to almost overwhelm me. When the unknowns of life seem impossible to ever know, loneliness all-encompassing, and failure inevitable, it is easy to doubt what God has done in my life and the freedom He has brought me to. I question if what I thought was Him is not just a hyped up emotion. Whether He really is all that interested in my little life, or if He is a distant God who doesn't really want to get involved in the messiness of human life.
But then, the other day I was perusing Matthew 28. You know, where it tells how after the resurrection Jesus had all of his followers meet at a certain place on a mountain outside of Jerusalem. It was during this time that the early followers of Christ were confused, hurt, bewildered. The man that they had put their trust in and who they had come to believe was God's only Son had died. They may have thought that God had lost the battle. Or that Jesus wasn't who He said He was and their trust had been broken. Then He rose from the dead and they saw Him again with His wounds. Or was this just His ghost? Anyways, the risen Christ asked them to meet on this mountain out in the country and so they did. What I'm getting at is this, it says that when He came to their gathering there on the mountain -- some doubted -- but they ALL bowed in worship. It doesn't say much, it doesn't say what happened to the ones that doubted or anything like that. It just says that some doubted and that they worshiped Him.
This struck me, it was as if God was saying to me, to me personally, "Marcel, I know you're struggling with doubt, you're struggling to know if I'm Who I say I am, if I met you in the ways you thought I did, if I've really given you the power the scriptures say I will. But Marcel, I want you to lay those doubts aside, leave them unresolved, unfigured-out, and worship Me for who I say I am. I know you won't feel it and you aren't even sure you know what you believe about Me. But just lay it aside and worship Me for Who I Am." It was almost as if it was not so much a feeling, but a choice to believe in the God I thought I knew, but was seriously questioning. And the amazing thing is that when I did that, the feelings didn't come, I didn't feel all warm and fuzzy and close to God. But the strength that I got from focusing on God and Who He says He is in Scripture was....awe-inspiring.
This whole thing of giving glory to God ties into this so much. God's primary desire is that I bring glory to Him. It is so easy for me to focus on the small picture, the picture of me and my lack of peaceful feelings...and forget about the big picture, that every person's sole purpose in life is to bring Him glory. And if He gets more glory from my choosing to trust Him and to worship Him without the feelings, then I want to be willing to live the rest of my life worshipping and trusting Him even if the feelings never come. That's hard, and bewildering. Am I willing to do that? Would I have the faith?
For me, the feelings of God's presence did come again. But I believe I am in an ongoing training session with God in learning that His glory always comes before my feelings and my peace. And I believe He gets this glory when we choose Him, when we say 'yes' to what He's calling us to....even if we can't see where He's taking us...even if "He never chooses to show His face again."
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| Was just looking back over some stuff I wrote right after I was in Cambodia.... I think I may have sent this out as an email update back then....but thought I'd share it again.
CAMBODIA
In a land where war has pretty much been normal for most of the last fifty years, where infrastructure is in dire need of repair, where garbage lines the streets, and putrid smells often fill the air, we, six students from IGo, discovered a little bit of God’s beauty. In this land where people are bound to fear and the worship of idols, where incense burns almost twenty-four hours a day, where monks and nuns spend their days grooming the temples, we discovered that God still desires the hearts of its citizens like nothing else.
I think of a tiny little girl in the courtyard of the pagoda, her nose running, her eyes red, her face sad. She barely smiled but you could see the excitement in her as she ever so slightly jumped up and down as she waited for her balloon. Then a small smile crossed her lips as she tightly grasped the big balloon, a balloon two-thirds her own size. I had to wonder who is watching out for her? Who is making sure she comes safely home in the evenings? Who is going to keep her safe as she grows up?
I think of two young men in their early twenties that became friends of ours during our time in Cambodia. They were full of life, very eager to learn all the English they could. One desires to eventually go to America, the other wants to become a guide for western tourists. They sat next to us and told us their dreams, they gave us rides on their motorbikes around town, the one took us to his house and showed his property–his pride and joy. I was challenged–here these guys are, so real, so overflowing with life, but unless they know Jesus, hellfire is before them. What am I going to do about this?
I think of the children at the orphanage and their passionate singing. They sang to the Lord with all of their energy. They did not worry about whether they were on key or whether they sang the right notes, but they sang with everything they had. They were full of joy. In comparison to myself and most American young people they have no opportunity. They do not have any money, they do not have much hope in traveling to another country, or getting a college education, they barely have hopes of getting a highschool diploma, but there they were, worshiping God with their whole hearts. And I, with all of my money and opportunity, with all of my ability to travel and “experience the world,” so often just sit and complain about what I do not have, what I have not experienced, what I think I am lacking. This brought tears to my eyes.
I think of the phrase at the end of a documentary on the Khmer Rouge (a Communist dictatorship during the late seventies that committed a countrywide genocide). The phrase stated that today “Cambodia has prospects of a brighter future.” This struck me. Cambodia only has hope for a brighter future. I have basically been guaranteed a bright future. None of us are totally guaranteed this, but in reality, we as Americans pretty much have been guaranteed a bright future from the time we were little until now. I have been so privileged, but these people have had so much struggle. Why did God choose me to grow up in America, and Sambath or Som to grow up in Cambodia? Think about it. I do not know if I have a good answer.
I believe this has changed my outlook on life, I hope permanently. We are blessed. We are not blessed to hoard our blessings but to pass them on and to give abundantly as Christ did for us. Will I do this, or will I again become sedated as I go back to America, the land of self-sufficiency and abundance and careless living? My deepest hope is that I will be able to remember this experience and forever have a changed world view because of it.
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| For the mentoring program at IGo, you are assigned to read a book each semester you're there. For those of us who were there for our first semester we had a choice between Birthright by David Needham or Ordering Your Private World by Gordan MacDonald. I chose to read Birthright. Anyways, been reading at home here, thought I'd share some..
"Rememeber, God did not save us simply to use us. He did not save us to get such and such quantity of holiness produced. He saved us for love--for a dependent love relationship with him in context of living and loving both with our brothers and sisters in Chirst and the world outside. Once God calls us home, we will never walk by faith again. It is here and now alone that we have the challenge to 'fly by the instruments.' As children of the light, he greatly values our trusting him in the dark. It is in this context as we are confronted by our own total flesh inadequacy that we cry out, 'Lord, I cannot live apart from your life! I have no life unless you pour your life into me. I have jettisoned all back-up systems. I will live because of you, or I will die.'
Then some more lyrics, .....one of my favorites....
Top of My Lungs
by PCD
Words of worship
Rise like a river within me
Thoughts to express are so many
Wanna bless You, God
Can’t be silent
I think of the mercies You show me
My lips begin overflowing
Great is Your love
Such gratitude
For all that You do
Jesus to You
At the top of my lungs
I will sing hallelujah
You’re the One who saved me
The One who gave me this life I’ll
Live forevermore
Forevermore
At the top of my lungs
I will sing hallelujah
I’m not ashamed
I’ll praise Your name
Let the whole world know
I love You, Lord
I love You, Lord
You are worthy
I join the song of creation
That rings out across ev’ry nation
Let my heart be heard
I need You so
I don’t care who knows
From the depths of my soul
At the top of my lungs
I will sing hallelujah
You’re the One who saved me
The One who gave me this life I’ll
Live forevermore
Forevermore
At the top of my lungs
I will sing hallelujah
I’m not ashamed
I’ll praise Your name
Let the whole world know
I love You, Lord
I love You, Lord
Let my love be loud
A sweet joyful noise
Only for You
I lift up my voice
I lift up my voice
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| IN CHRIST ALONE
In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.
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